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Let’s face it…losing is hard, especially when you’re a kid who just played your heart out on the chessboard. But guess what? That loss might just be the best thing that ever happened to them. (Okay, maybe not right now, but stay with us!)
Chess teaches kids how to handle defeat with grace, resilience and even a little curiosity. Don’t just take our word for it, there have been tons of studies that show learning to cope with failure can: boost emotional intelligence, improve long-term academic performance and even increase a child’s confidence. All of which can will help them take on challenges in the future.
**The Research: Stanford University found that kids who develop a growth mindset (the belief that abilities can be developed through effort) are more likely to push through difficulties and ultimately achieve greater success.
So, how do you coach your kid through a chess loss without the tears? Without the frustration?? Without any of the dramatic proclamations of I’m never playing chess again??? Here’s how:
Turn a loss into a learning opportunity instead of a dead end. Ask your child, “What’s one thing you did really well in that game?” Followed up with, “What’s one thing you can try differently next time?” This encourages them to think critically and focus on improvement rather than defeat.
🧠 Pro Tip: Remind them that even grandmasters lose…a lot. Even Magnus Carlsen, the world's greatest chess player, has lost hundreds of games on his way to the top?
Don’t be the parent who makes the mistake of only praising wins. Instead, highlight the clever strategies and smart decisions during the game. This shifts their mindset from winning = success to playing well = success.
🎉 Try this: “Wow, your knight move in the middle of the game was brilliant! I didn’t see that coming.”
Everything feels better with a snack. Once emotions settle, revisit the game together without judgment. Let them walk you through their thought process and if they’re open to it, ask questions about what they would do differently next time.
🍎 Fun Fact: Studies show that reviewing mistakes in a low-pressure environment helps kids retain lessons more effectively.
If your child sees you getting frustrated at all over losing (even just a lost parking spot), they’ll pick up on that. If they observe you staying calm when things are not working out, they are way more likely to do the same. Try saying something like, “That might not have gone the way I hoped, but I’ll figure it out!”
🙌 Reminder: The way you react to a loss, big or small, can set the tone for how they’ll react to their own challenges, on and off the board.
At the end of the day, chess should be fun. If your child is taking losses too hard, balance learning with playful games, storytelling, or even silly chess challenges. When kids associate chess with joy, they’re more likely to keep playing.
♟️ Try This: Have them play a game where they must sacrifice a piece in a creative way. It makes losing pieces less scary and more strategic.
A chess loss might not feel great in the moment, but it's all about growth. You have to help your child face defeat with curiosity, not shame. You're teaching them how to face challenges, not avoid them. And that skill? It goes way beyond the board.
And who knows? Today’s loss might just be the stepping stone to tomorrow’s brilliant checkmate.
